Vissers on their days off
by Lady Domino
Summary: What do the yeerk Vissers do when they aren't making appearances in the books? They mess around and display frightening degrees of randomness... Good clean fun
1. Nice andalite

Disclaimer: Animorphs and all related characters belong to the talented K.A. Applegate. The 'Wonderful Shoe' is copyrighted to Edward Monkton.

Story: Not as such… Random snippets of what K. A. Applegate never showed us, most of which will feature Visser Three. All written with the greatest love for the characters. In this one Esplin 9466 has just been made Visser Three.

A/N: For my wonderful Zahra-Friend whose Edward Monkton notebook gave me the idea…

Nice andalite

Visser Three: I am now Visser Three! Look at me! Am I not most wonderful?

Andalite prisoner: Indeed, you are the most wonderful Visser in the Universe. I fall to my knees and weep with pleasure that I have been captured by you.

_Pause_

Andalite prisoner: You are my Beauty, you are my Truth. I am tortured that I am not you!

The thought that I can never compare haunts me at night. In you I find my salvation.

Visser Three: Thank you. You are a nice andalite.


	2. The phone call

Disclaimer: Animorphs and all related characters belong to the talented K.A. Applegate.

Story: Not as such… Random snippets of what K. A. Applegate never showed us, most of which will feature Visser Three. All written with the greatest love for the characters. In this one Visser Three and Visser One are randomly in the same room. Fill in circumstances

A/N: For my wonderful Alice-Friend, who won't have a clue what the Animorphs are, but, knowing her, will smile anyways

The phone call

Visser One _(on the special high-tech Yeerk phone)_: He did what? And _what_? And _WHAT_?

_She slams the phone down and turns to Visser Three, who is painting his tail blade green._

Visser One: You did that? And _that_? And _THAT_?

Visser Three _(smugly)_: Yes, yes, and yes 

Visser One: Oh.

_Pause_

Visser One: Can I do that too?

Visser Three: No. 

Visser One: No?

Visser Three: No. 


	3. The Flubwazzle incident

Disclaimer: Animorphs and all related characters belong to the talented K.A. Applegate.

Story: Not as such… Random snippets of what K. A. Applegate never showed us, most of which will feature Visser Three. All written with the greatest love for the characters, randomness and (hopefully) humour.

A/N: Hmm. For my great friend who took me to see horses playing around in tinsel today

The Flubwazzle incident

Visser One: Well, well, what do we have here?

Elfangor: I should have thought that it was fairly obvious, even to an unintelligent ounce of slime such as yourself.

Visser One: Oh, do forgive me! It's just, it is not everyday that a Visser is privileged enough to see such a sight.

Elfangor: Have you quite finished gloating?

Visser One: Give me a sec.

Elfangor: Take two.

Visser One: Much obliged. Mwahahahaha! Andalite scum! And all those other things I really can't be bothered to say.

Elfangor: Now, if you don't mind, I'd be very grateful if you'd unchain me.

Visser One: Out of interest, how did you get quite so tied up?

Elfangor: I can't recall.

Visser One: Then I can't recall how to unlock chains.

Elfangor _(looking uncomfortable): _There may have been a female.

Visser One: A female?

Elfangor: Who wasn't really a female…

Visser One: Are you saying what I think you're saying? Visser three morphed into a girl?

Elfangor _(blushing, which on an Andalite is purple)_: An extremely attractive one.

Visser One: How marvellous!

_She rubs her hands and cackles a lot_

Elfangor _(looking worried):_ On second thought, you needn't unchain me. I'll just, you know, morph, and all

_Visser One is still cackling too hard to notice as he shrinks down into a Flubwazzle and squelches away_

_Two hours later, Visser One boards her ship, still cackling, and composes a Yeerk-mail message_

My dear Esplin 9466,

It would be awfully good of you to send me one hundred of your bug fighters. I always seem to be running out of them.

Elfangor sends his love.

Edriss.

_7 Lightyears away, Visser Three chokes on his evening snack of liquified grass..._


	4. The Binky toy

Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue. Wait… the Binky toy _is_ mine.

A/N: Dedicated to my very first reviewer on this series: Desteny Wolf.

The Binky toy

_Visser Three storms into the room, where Visser One has a mud mask on and cucumber over her eyes. She is eating the centres out of a large pile of chocolate truffles._

Visser One: Why exactly are you disturbing my moment of peace and tranquillity?

Visser Three _(breathing heavily)_: Someone has been in MY QUARTERS!

Visser One: The engines were failing. I went in for a pot of lubricant. The green one.

Visser Three: You used MY HOOF POLISH to LUBRICATE the ENGINES?

Visser One _(wincing)_: Would it kill you to turn down the volume? Yes, as a matter of fact I did. It was that or spin endlessly in space, Esplin.

Visser Three _(in a quiet yet extremely ominous tone)_: Why is my blue brush gone?

Visser One: The exhaust pipes needed scrubbing out.

Visser Three: Why is my green brush gone?

Visser One: The bugfighters' viewing screens needed to be cleaned.

Visser Three _(voice rising)_: Why is my yellow brush gone?

Visser One: It was an icky colour.

Visser Three _(close to hysteria)_: It was not! Why are my pink ribbons gone?

Visser One: They look better on me.

Visser Three _(screaming)_: Why is my BINKY TOY GONE???

Visser One: I fed it to the taxxons.

Visser Three _(in a faltering tone)_: You what?

Visser One: They tore its head off…

Visser Three: No…

Visser One: They ripped the stuffing out…

Visser Three: Mercy…

Visser One: They tore the legs off…

_There is a thud as Visser Three faints. Visser One shrugs, and reached for another chocolate._


End file.
